Reflection

What a journey this has been. I have felt like crying some days and some days I tell myself I have this, I can do this. I enjoy writing but it still doesn't come easy to me. I struggle with coming up with things to write about. I struggle with finding the right words to make it interesting. I want to succeed in school so much. I have so much riding on this. I want to make a better future for my family. English was the one subject that I didn't like the thought of taking. That and a communication class will be the worst for me. I am so terribly shy that it will probably kill me when I have to take that class. I feel that I have received a lot of information over the last eight weeks and that it will take a lot of time for me to still process it and learn how to use it. I am not sure I have grown that much as a writer in this little bit of time. I wish that is was easier for me to process. I love reading other peoples writing. I have noticed a change in some of my classmates writing that was quiet good. Blogging was an interesting part of this class. I found a couple of the other students blogs very interesting and liked to keep checking them frequently to see their writings. We had some very descriptive writers in the class. I enjoyed hearing about all the other parents that are striving for the same things as me in life. I did enjoy blogging about the days thoughts and what was going on in life. I have so much going on right now and tried not to talk about anything too personal. But it was nice to get it out there everyday. I have friends who blog about life regularly and they make it so vivid and keep you wanting to hear the next little story about their life and how things are in their cozy but chaotic life. One day I hope to write the same way. I might just keep the blogging going. It was fun. I am happy to finally be down to our last week. I am ready for a short break before the fall semester starts. My daughter just doesn't understand why mommy can't play all day. It makes me sad to tell her mommy will play later or hold on. But soon she and I will both be in school and I am so excited for her to start a new journey. She is my joy in life. It's been interesting is all I can say for sure about this class. I'm glad to have made it through with no breakdowns. Ok well just a few, but I made it. Thank you, Ms. A., for the experience.

Journal entry 21

July 19th

Things to do when you are bored. Well you can always read a great book or news article. You can clean your house from top to bottom. You can go for a walk or jog. You can go to a movie or watch a movie on tv. You can cook your favorite meal or dessert. You can go on a hike in the country. You can fly a kite on a windy day. You can go for a drive in the country. You can go shopping with your best friend. You can go roller skating. You can go ride go karts. You can go to an amusement park. You can rearrange your closets and drawers. You can take your dog for a walk. You can call an old friend. You can scrapbook. You can listen to your favorite music and dance along. You can go to the library. You can take a shower. You can garden or clean up your flower beds. You can go for a swim. You could go boating on the lake or canoeing on the river. You could bird watch. You could tye dye something. You could do pottery. You could paint a picture. You could paint your house. You could go horseback riding. You could write an old friend a letter. You could do laundry. You could write a song or write a poem. You could do homework. You could go to the park. You could make sock puppets for your kids. You could go camping. You could go out and do some photography. You could learn to play an instrument. You could learn to sew and make all your family something for christmas. The list is truly endless. You never really have to be bored.

Journal entry 20

My Wishlist

I wish for school to be over with
I wish for good grades this semester
I wish for my situation at home to get better
I wish for my daughter to have an easy transition into school
I wish for rain
I wish for good health
I wish for my daughter to be happy
I wish for my bills to go away
I wish for everyone in the world to get along
I wish for true love to come my way
I wish for fall to come soon
I wish for a good school year
I wish for my parents to realize how much I appreciate them
I wish for my nephew to start kindergarten with no issues
I wish for my daughter to always know how much she is loved
I wish for my my good friends to have a good life and be happy
I wish for God's hand in taking us through life's ups and downs
I wish for gas prices to go down
I wish for a colorful fall
I wish for peace in life
I wish for world peace
I wish for a good new book to read
I wish for a nice vacation in Colorado
I wish for a nap right now

Journal entry 19

July 18th

Birthdays

We have like my whole entire family's birthdays in July. Mine is the 5th of July, my mother's is the 21st, my brother's and my dad's are the 22nd, and my sister in laws is the 23rd. So we have a whole lot of celebrating to do this coming weekend. I'm sure we will all get together as a family and invite some friends over too and have a cookout and just enjoy each others company. Outside of just my brother and parents, my aunt had her birthday on the 2nd of July and my grandmother's is the 29th I believe. My daughter's other grandmother's birthday is the 31st. So there are a ton of July birthdays. I have always wondered if that is like some kind of sign that all of us have July birthdays. Maybe I am reading too much into it. My little ones daddy's birthday is on May 17th and his other daughter's birthday is May 2nd and his brother and his daughter's are on the exact same days (2nd and 17th) but in August. Isn't that kind of weird? I think so. So yes the rest of the summer for our family is filled with birthday celebrations.

Journal entry 18

July 18th

My daughter growing up way too fast. It is almost time for this summer semester to be done with and then we will be taking a few weeks break. I have to find a good school/daycare for her to attend this fall. I have made some changes in our living situation so we are in a tight spot. I need to do so much home work tomorrow but also need to call around and get stuff figured out for her school. This will be her first time in a daycare facility. I have stayed at home with her since she was born. That is what I always wanted to do as a mother. Have the means to stay at home and watch my daughter grow up and have all the love she needs. I would never have made it if I hadn't had that choice. I have always worked full time until I had her. Now that I took a few years off from work and took care of her, now it is time for me to go to school and get the education I need to make a more comfortable life for her and I. I am nervous about putting her in a daycare. I don't know what I would do if I found out they hurt her or were mean to her. I would come unglued. She is my everything. I want to make sure she is in the cleanest, safest, and friendliest enviornment possible. I will probably have a very hard first week once I start her. I hope she will tell me if anything is ever wrong. I just worry so much. She loves other children though, so I think she will do great. She loves making new friends. She is a very outgoing and happy young lady. We will get through all this together. Here's to new beginnings.

Journal entry 17

July 17th

Where I'd like to go if I could go on vacation righ now. Oh the endless possibilites. I would love to go out west to Colorado or Wyoming. I love the mountains and the landscape out there. I would love to get a cozy little cabin in the woods next to a roaring river and watch the wildlife wander through the yard. I have been snow skiing in Breckenridge Colorado once and we went out to see Mount Rushmore in South Dakota a few years back, on our way back we stayed in Estes Park, Colorado. It was gorgeous. That is where I would love to move my family to once I get my school done. I would love to go see the redwoods in California. That is amazing to me. I have got that on my list of places to go in my lifetime. I want to go and see Maine one day. I think it is beautiful country up there. I want to go to Louisiana and vacation in New Orleans one day. I would love to go somewhere on a quiet, white sandy beach right now, too. I love the tranquil feeling of being alone on the quiet beach with just the rushing sound of the waves coming up on shore. Watching the sunset. I want to go to the Smoky Mountains too. We went to Chattanooga, TN this spring and enjoyed some sight seeing. Oh there are too many places I would like to go. I would like to travel around the country and try all the awesome food I see on these food shows on tv. I love to travel and I could use a vacation right now. I know I just had one this spring but I'm in desperate need of another one right now. We never got to take vacations when I was a child because my parents worked too much. So now with my family, we try to do as much as possible with them so they have memories to look back on a cherish. I love seeing my daughter's eyes light up when she gets to do something new or see something new. It makes me so happy.

Journal entry 16

July 17th

I am so overwhelmed at the moment it isn't even funny. I feel like hiding in a dark hole somewhere until everything goes away. We are down to our last two weeks of class and all of a sudden I feel bombarded. My emotions are all over the place. I am struggling with my relationship and where to go for support and then having classes on top of that, it is getting to me. My daughter doesn't understand why I am always doing homework and sits and begs for my attention. I feel horrible but in the end it will all be better for her. I have chosen to make life changing decisions in my home life and I am wondering if maybe I shouldn't have done that. I don't know when or where I will get all the answers to life but hopefully it will come to me soon. I have an algebra test tomorrow morning. I am not too worried about that. I have done very well in that class. I just took a look at our english lesson for this week and am about to cry. I am sure it won't be as bad as I feel it is but I just have too much on my plate right now. I'm not quiet done with my essay due Thursday. I have a little more to add on and the whole situation with adding sources is confusing to me. It will all be ok in the end though. I just know it will.